Pretty Girls Are The Bane of My Life.

So are fickle technologies. But sleepless nights and exhaustion are dependable friends, like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Exhaustion comes hand in hand with mild delirium and is a fantastic mistress!

Weird Fright Of People!

In Secondary School, I'd like to believe that I was the weird antisocial kid with an attitude. I never 'hung around' after school and still refuse to do so, I never made much of an issue with popularity and acceptance by conventional norms. Quite the contrary I was constantly late for School and made it a point to constantly challenge authority figures in School when I assumed they were behaving foolishly. In the final year of Secondary school, I was in the top class and the it was routine that I should either sleep, take long walks in between classes, talk to the guy sitting beside me- whom I might have considered a very good friend then, but have never contacted upon graduation.

Strangely enough, I believe I was moderately popular. I serve as head of a co circular, student leader, and was a recognized face in school. I think being a grumpy motherfucker who didn't bother to fraternize but was outspoken and mildly eloquent.

Having left that world behind for four years now, I am now paranoid and exist in a slightly altered version of our reality designed to shield myself emotionally from the perceived failures of the past and present. When a crack in that reality occurs when people become generally interested or nice, I respond the only way a weird ass motherfucker knows-with panic. Especially when the person hearkens from the time when I was a Secondary school student. The very memories of that institution invokes feelings of hope and power and happiness.

What I don't like however are the people who are nice to me. More often, when I'm uninterested and non-reciprocal people end up with the foolish idea of persisting in breaking down barriers to the point where I manage to become ignorant of said person through the merit of disinterest.

It's the way I work. It's wrong, I know. I need help!

What the fuck.

I have lost 3995 music files that were stored on the computer. Agony! You're a horrible friend.

Like a sonofabitch.

There's been a known infection of one of the men in my company. Which is terrible because now that H1N1 has infected one of the men, I can no longer feign apathy about the damn disease. It's become harder to not feel tingly at all the statistics and the fact that this motherfucker is spreading with such wild abandon despite all the measures that have been put in place to combat said motherfucker.

Mortality. That's not a very nice one.

Excitement Commences!

Well, Michael Jackson is dead.

I am the walrus.

You know, I really should be less twitchy and prone to sudden flare ups. I should be focusing on how awesome life is! How mediocre I think I've become and how best to improve upon my insecurities through casual observation of the world outside the Army and home!

I need to meet more women who make The Beatles play in my head. Never happened before awesomeness.

Oh no!

My cousin's getting registered for marriage! And I'm already a great uncle many times over. It seems like everyone from my generation has got hitched already. Whatever happened to these people! It didn't seem long ago when they were pushing me on swings. Now they're popping babys like nobodys' business and working and getting jobs and such. Ugh, and I'm still the same as ever. I want to start popping babies and having responsibilities! Oooh, being young and at the mercy of others is a lousy feeling.

I can foresee myself being slightly depressed and grumpy at the solemnization next week.

Yes, Okay.

I'm slightly afraid that I might not fit in anywhere, after my MC. I spend far too much time cooping myself at home and avoiding people that the whole mechanics of interacting with people, specifically civilians has been lost on me. During the rare occasions that I do interact with people I rely heavily on attempting to be inconspicuous and hazy memories of lectures that I had about effective communication in the workplace from my previous job.

I also fear that after revolving my life around paid television programming, I don't have the grit to go back to camp and be a manly manly soldier, full of pride and drive. Of course, pride is everything. Without it, I wouldn't trouble myself to actually care. I hope I haven't lost that.

Getting my fitness back on track after nearly two months after inactivity is going to hurt.

Lovely.